Passing time

I can't believe so much time has passed since I was last here. Only seems like yesterday.
The New York conference went well - the Exclusive Brethren got quite a lot of mentions with two full papers about them and a few mentions elsehwere. My paper went well - I am trying to find time to create a document that I can post somewhere for all the helpful participants to read.

The EB themselves did not attend at all which surprised me. I will be presenting a paper again next July in Barcelona so maybe they will attend that one. It would be good if we could get a symposium together somehow.

My research colleague is once again working on getting the questionnaires on line - we need at least 300 participants, currently I have 53 I think. Anyone reading this and willing to help please email me on brethrenresearach@googlemail.com.

As for me - I was exhausted after New York but am recovering at last. I have been working on the way I float between the real me and the me I was. This happens mostly when I am tired. Someone will say something that will trigger me off and one minute I can be happy and then suddenly plunged into deep distress. And I never know why! which doesn't help.

Here is a little story for you. On returning from NY I had one day break and then had to leave for Glasgow for another conference but this time I was not presenting, I was organising it.

We always have a big social event on the Friday evening. This year we went to the Trades Hall - a 300 year old building with a long history and many traditions. Before the meal we were given a 10 minute talk on the history of the Incorporated Trades of Glasgow which has been in existence for over 400 years. The 14 incorporated trades include bakers, spinners, masons, barbers, etc. Each year they still elect Deacon convener of the trades. The speaker we were listening to had been one of these deacon conveners and he pointed proudly to his name on the wall as he spoke. To begin with I found this speech fascinating intrigued as I am with social history. But then suddenly as he spoke so proudly of his past and his ancestry I became intensely distressed with tears flooding out of my eyes and I felt as if I was falling into an abyss. I am still in the process of figuring out why this happened - it is something about my history and my ancestry that I cannot be proud of and dont want to remember and yet without a memory, without a history how do I have a sense of my self. Where is the continuity. It's a bit complicated to explain but I would like to hear of similar stories. I didn't fall into that abyss because I had a good friend sitting next to me who knows my history. He just put his hand on my back between the shoulder blades, handed me his hankerchief and thus held me. Falling into the abyss would have meant I would not have been there anymore, I would have had a deadness in my mind, deep deep sadness and distress sprinkled with a generous helping of fear. I would have felt about 7 or 8.

I have spent the last 4 weeks working on a paper for a conference in Rome next weekend. The topic is not about the EB - but answers the general question "what kinds of harm do cults cause". Getting that answer into 25 minutes has been almost impossible.

I will tell you how it went!